I sure had a hard time the first time I did it. I know that sounds crazy. But for me it was an outrageous obstacle. Since I was 13 years old, the only time I wasn’t wearing eyeliner was while I was sleeping, and even then I would purposely not wipe it all off after washing my face. I would leave that little swipe of colour under my eye so that when I woke up in the morning and looked in the mirror for the first time I wouldn’t be in shock at the plain-ness of my colour-less eyelid. GASP! I know? Could you imagine an eyelid without colour??
As most of you can agree, Junior High is a trying time. Figuring out who you are, what that even means when people say that to you, frizzy hair, boys, girls, stinky gym clothes. Eyeliner was my security blanket. “If I colour my eyes people won’t notice my frizzy hair, right?” I imagined that eyeliner made people focus on my smeary purple eyelids instead of my braces and retainer. Haha! And this feeling stayed with me for over 15 years (long after the braces were off).
But I did it. I made the decision when I was 30 that I didn’t need eyeliner. I didn’t want it to define me. I even stopped using cover up. I mean what the hell, boys don’t have to wear it, right? Don’t get me wrong, it can be fun to get all dolled up, slather on a ton of makeup and feel like a million bucks every now and then (boys/men included, feel free to slap that amazing stuff when you feel the need!) I made the choice that makeup was optional, not mandatory to feel good.
The first time I went without eyeliner, I was terrified. I felt like everyone was thinking “oh my, her eyes are so plain” but then I got over it and felt pretty damn good. I loved that I could wipe my eye and touch my face without smudging black down my cheek only to get in the car an hour later to notice that I had been walking around the grocery store like that, true story. Most days I do decide to wear makeup. But it is for different reasons now.
I often think back to the fact that I met my husband when I was 15. I have no idea what he was attracted to when we were 15 and 17 years old. He tells me that he loved my hair, what a sweet boy. That boy and I are still married. I am so thankful he stuck with me through the braces, frizzy hair and smeary purple eyeliner.
And now he gets to stick with me through the days when I decide to go out in full hippie mode – eyeliner free and all.